Dying to self is not as easy as I thought it would be. I often question how do you wait on God when you are used to being in control? How do you fully give yourself to God? How do you let go and let God?
To die to self I am talking about letting go of years of being in control and fully submitting my life to God. I am bit of a control freak and to relinquish control is not easy for me.
The famous song, “I surrender all, I surrender all. All to thee my blessed Saviour I surrender all…” The songwriter makes it sound so easy but in my reality I did not find it easy to do.
If I may be honest, I found this part of my journey to be a bit of a struggle. You see I am not the most patient person. Yet in Galatians 5:22 states, “But the fruit of the Spirit [the result of His presence within us] is love [unselfish concern for others], joy, [inner] peace, patience [not the ability to wait, but how we act while waiting], kindness, goodness, faithfulness”, AMP. Therefore patience is a fruit one must exercise.
During my time of fellowship with the Father, I was reminiscing on how far the Father had brought me from. I was taken back to a place where I was going through a period of ‘drought’. During this drought I was unemployed, money was tight and the pressures of life was weighing me down real hard. I was convinced the more I prayed the more the situation became dire.
I remember there was particular day I was feeling frustrated, vex and angry with my circumstances. It’s not the Christian behaviour but I make no apologies for confessing my truth. Feeling heavy the Holy Spirit told me to go to the park. Acting in the flesh I refused to go. The Holy Spirit told me again to go to the park.
I reluctantly got ready, got in my car and drove to the park I would normally visit when I wanted to clear my head or I needed a change of scenery. As I arrived at the park, the second my feet touched the grass I vented. I spoke my mind, my frustration and vexation to God. As I finished talking I somewhat felt relived.
As I sat on the bench calming down, God in His still small voice told me one word, WAIT. He said it again ‘WAIT!’ It was from there He gave me Isa 40:31, “But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint”. Immediately peace engulfed me like never before that I got emotional.
I make no apologies venting to God because He being my Father and I being His child, I have opened up myself to be free and real with God. What makes me love and honour the Father is that He allows me to speak freely to Him. Whilst I know God is listening, He does not judge, belittle or condemn me. In fact He gives me space and time to reflect, check myself and regain humility as His word states James 4:6, “…but gives grace to the humble”, ESV.
Dying to self is NOT easy but throughout the process I get to reflect on my heart, mind and attitude. I am learning, just as the physical fruit needs time to grow, the fruits of the Spirit in my life will not ripen overnight. Like a gardener must battle against weeds to enjoy the sweet fruit they desire, I must constantly work to get rid of the ‘weeds’ in my life as my old sinful natures wants to choke out the work of the Spirit.
Whilst I’m waiting, the Holy Spirit continues to give me the power I need to reject those old sinful desires. As I give the Spirit more control of my life, He begins to do in and through me what only He can do – to shape me and grow to be more like Jesus (2 Corinthians 3:17-18). Now by God’s grace and His mercy taking it one day at a time, moment by moment, what I was holding onto, I can confidently say I have finally ‘let GO and let GOD’ and guess what? I AM MOVING ON.
You have heard of the phrase, ‘Jesus take the wheel’ in my case I say ‘Jesus take the car’.
Watch this space…till next time.
Peace and blessings.
Sep 10, 2018, Robyn Reid-community Blogger